friends having a great time

8 REASONS YOU SHOULD EVALUATE THE TWO LEVELS OF FRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE


Yesterday at dusk I was literally engrossed in thought and an idea came in mind like a ripple. I never miss opportunities to tap on “me-moments” as these and so I quickly picked my diary and scribbled pretty awesome ideas I would like to share with you today.

friends having a great time

friends having a great time

It dawned on me that there are two levels of friends in our lives. 

  • Level 1: The friend in us. This friend is loyal and the best we can ever have. Its plain true too that how we relate to the friend within us dictates how we treat and co-relate with those around us.  Too often we are extremely busy seeking approval from those around us that we fail to notice that permission to love those around us emanates from within. As I reflected on this level, I had a recap of memories of my past. I penned down the worst events that ever happened in my life whether at work, school, home or anywhere else I’ve ever been in the past. I made this list then picked my personal journal which had my overall feelings, reactions and so forth as recorded in that particular day. I made a keen comparison and made a correlation which proved that what happened around me was actually a replica of the fury which was blazing within me. 

I shifted my focus on that and reflected on the difference between being alone and being lonely. I made a little table and made notes on occasions I  felt that I was lonely versus when I felt alone. I was astonished that the part I wrote alone was full with sparkling life changing events and the bit of being lonely was simply almost empty. I made a correlation to this too and found out that loneliness is not absence of company, this could also imply absence of purpose.

Coincidentally part of my hobbies involve meditation. Meditation as a prime “self care” habit involves much of my future aspirations, goals and so forth (check a note on that soon), but then again I treasure being alone. I can spend an entire day just having a great conversation with myself. I call this anyone’s “two you’s”. As I wrote earlier on the “5 levels of self talk that can change your life”,what you say to yourself matters,not only to you but also to the rest of us who care about you. Sometimes its not about the hurricanes and the storms around you. At an individual range, what are you whispering to yourself? Do you spend your day just criticizing who you are and draining your energies on demotivating self talk?

This reminds me of one of my favorite keystone sources of counsel when I’m stressed or having a tricky day. I launch a serious dialogue with myself and virtually jump into a hopping timed machine and travel forward in time and converse with my one hundred and ten year old version of myself. I try to relate what my one hundred and ten year old version would say to my today version of myself and what wisdom would this version impart to me concerning my challenges. This may sound weird or absurd but its thrilling and so real that I couldn’t believe that the ideas I obtained from such self trajectory episodes were the very best I’ve ever had.

I will expound on this by having Vincent  I (Version I) which i’ll presume as my today’s version and Vincent II (Version II) as my 110 year old version of myself. I’ll set this in stage as the two versions conversing and having a great day:

Vincent I: Hey Vincent

Vincent II: Yes my Hero Vincent, how have you been?

Vincent I: I’ve been well, but Oh man, I’m having a challenging day today…

Vincent II: Oh really? I’m sorry to hear that, whats the issue?

Vincent I: I’m having a tricky moment trying to balance my life strategies, priorities and so forth…

Vincent II: But that’s blank, whats the question?

Vincent I: Whats the one thing that I can do right now to put my life into focus and literally put much leisure into my work and ultimately have more efficiency?

Vincent II: Oh, great question, you need to start with the basics. On the point of trying to balance your life strategies, you need to ask yourself this: whats the number one thing that if you did it and completed it would have the greatest impact in your life right now? Identify this and always do this first and  anything else other than that consider it a distraction.

Vincent I: I didn’t understand a dime of what you said 😦

Vincent II: What do you consider as the top most priority right now that if you did it you’ll feel happier and blissful? 🙂

Vincent I: Perhaps read for my exams which are just around the bend, few weeks time

Vincent II: Good! Simply pick your diary and make a proper chronological schedule on the key units which seem tricky to you right now. Make a serious commitment to handle this subjects at least an hour or so each day. 

Vincent I: Wow! Great insight! I’ll try this after this discussion. How about prioritizing my activities as a keystone strategy? 

———-discussion abruptly interrupted by a phone call—–(but you got the picture 😉 —

Yeah, that’s it! This can be a life changer if you try it too! Imagine you’re jumping into a hopping timed machine and today version of you hanging out with the 110 year old version of you. What will the 110 year old version of you say to this today version of you? What wisdom will they impart to you? Arm yourself with a diary and pen down any ideas you download from such a counsel. 

At an individual levelThe ideas I harvest and virtually download from such counsels I pen them down then move from theory to practice with that life catalyzing event.

  • Level 2: The friends around us. This may encompasses our classmates, school mates, spouses and so forth. Most people complain that those around them never create time to be with them. In my postI’ve seen it alli highlight that I’ve  seen vast relationships break up. We often tend to think that those around us never value us anymore. We then thrown in the towel and file a divorce or end that relationship which could have sprang to the best marriage ever. But could it be that we never loved ourselves in the first place and hence the environment is simply a reflection of our inner selves? A lot of time we blame people and situations. In my life this is how I do it: if I have someone that I invite into a relationship and that person betrays me, I don’t blame this person, I blame myself. Why? Because I gave them permission to be in a relationship. And so it means its not the person because people reflect who you are and so when you change, the people around you change. Most times we try to change things and people and not change ourselves but the moment we change, everything in heaven and earth begins to conspire to accommodate your change

Again, watch this, loneliness is not the absence of people but absence of purpose and when you find your purpose in life, the right people come. 

This is imperative since your current state could be a reflection of those you spend your time with. This is a day that you’ll never own again, and that means you can not allow anyone or anything to control your time that is not important to your purpose in life. As I quoted inThe excellence manifesto”, your time is your life and what you buy with your time, that’s your life! So anyone or anything that is consuming your time its simply consuming your life. The worst bit is that we have lost control. We never care any longer of who we meet and why we meet them in the first place.

“Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.” 

— Jim Morrison (1943 – 1971)

Paul wrote in Colossians 4:5 that we should always “walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time” NKJV. Paul is simply saying that when you meet people, kick in wisdom and reason first! Analyse whether they make sense. A lot of your so called friends want to call you on a date to waste your day on stuff that aint important. When you deal with people, Paul says take stock and protect your time. Perhaps its time to make an inventory of your friends and associations.

Here is a quick exercise: I would like you to challenge you to pull the drill: spend the next 20 minutes after reading this blog by just making a list of all the people you’re associated with, all the associations you’re associated with, all the places you’re associated with and see how many of those are leading you to your vision. You’ll be shocked who’s wasting your time! Anything that happens should be in association with where you’re heading in life. There are friends you will have to drop tonight to make it to your dream and there are new friends you’ll have to associate with to make it to your destiny. 

As I wind up this blog post, I leave you with this word with my heart beating with great passion: You have been wasting enough time! Its over, do something, get back on track!  Control your future by creating a plan to head to your destined path which is inclusive of taking stock of your associations. This encompasses taking stock of how you take care your self image and self talk. 

A quick recap on the fundamental tenets highlighted in this blog include:

  1. The friend in us is the most loyal and the best we can ever have. We need to evaluate how we relate with ourselves. 
  2. What you say to yourself matters and hence your perceptions and correlations to your world is a reflection of this personal talk. 
  3. Imagine hanging out with the 110 year old version of you. What will the 110 year old version of you say to this today version of you? What wisdom will they impart to you? Arm yourself with a diary and pen down any ideas you download from such a counsel. 
  4. People reflect who you are and so when you change, the people around you change.
  5. The moment we change, everything in heaven and earth begins to conspire to accommodate your change. 
  6. Loneliness is not the absence of people but absence of purpose and when you find your purpose in life, the right people come. 
  7. When you meet people, kick in wisdom and reason first! Analyse whether they make sense.
  8. Anything that happens should be in association with where you’re heading in life. Control your future by creating a plan to head to your destined path which is inclusive of taking stock of your associations.

If you liked this post you may also like my post,“You can begin again and craft a brand new future”.

*If you are looking for empowerment related material click here.

Question: Whats more important to you between your destiny and your friends? Do you concur that associating with some caliber of friends can derail you from achieving your destiny? Why or why not? Share your answer on Facebook,Twitter,LinkedIn or add your comments below

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13 comments on “8 REASONS YOU SHOULD EVALUATE THE TWO LEVELS OF FRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE

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  3. Vincent I thoroughly enjoyed this post. I have categories of people in my life: friends, associates, acquaintances. I’ve recently reevaluated the ones I thought were my friends and some have been demoted. Most of them aren’t interested in what my passion is, so I do what I need to do to further the passion in me and not let them deter me. I’ve never considered talking to my 110 year old me but i’ll have to give it a try. I do a lot of self talk and encouraging me which seems to work. In my day to day activities I get inspiration for my writing and photography. Thanks for visiting and following my blog. I’m looking forward to enjoying your blogs. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Emmalmoore!! I’m humbled by your kind insights. I concur with you that we need to evaluate our associations carefully and redeem the time! The fun has just begun and I look forward to optimizing together in the months + years ahead! Thanks for checking in here, let’s keep optimizing and see you at the top where there is enough room for everyone. Cheers! 😊👍

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    • Hello 🙂 Thanks a lot for checking in here and sharing your insights! We should really evaluate the two levels of friends in our lives. let’s keep optimizing and see you at the top where there is enough room for everyone. Cheers! 😊👍

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  4. Pingback: IN CHARGE: Finding The Leader Within You By Dr. Myles Munroe (Part I) | Vincent Wambua

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